As Tall As Lions: Love, Love, Love(Love, Love)
Have I, ever told you before, I think, you’re beautiful when you’re sleeping? I have faith that you watch me in my slumber to.
I feel farther away then ever. I feel lost. I dread night time only because it is what gets the best of me. Sitting alone in the dark with no one there to help you get through it is one of the toughest things ever. These past few days have been so stressful, with Kims dad & me being upset about my recent fall outs with friends, I just can’t seem to focus, everything is becoming one big blur. Their words literally eat away at me, they’re constantly ringing in my head, over and over again, it never stops or goes away. During the day I try to block it out, but when it’s late & I’m alone in my room, that’s when things start to fall apart for me. That’s when things continuously replay in my head and it makes it even harder for me to fall asleep. I just want to forget everything, forget everything I’ve ever learned, forget everyone I’ve ever met, forget how to exist, just completely forget everything. I want to sleep away until I know that this is all over, but I can’t even do something as simple as fall asleep. Anyways, yeah.
This shouldnt be bothering me like it is, it’s consumed almost every moment of my life these past few days. Ever have someone that you want to talk to, but know its useless because you know they won’t hear you out? Well thats how this is. All the sadness that is building up is going to turn into such a violent anger. Although, part of me does feel selfish. I know that you’re trying to better your life, but I just cant find a way to understand, I don’t want to find a way to either, I just think it really sucks that I seriously lost a best friend over something so stupid and so hypocritical that it isn’t even funny. It makes me sick to my stomache, I have to brig it up every chance I get because well, I’m just so incredibly sad about it. I hate crying over it and it being all that I think about. I just want to feel okay.
I just got back from wendys with Nikki and Kendra. It was so nice to see her, Im glad were good, fuck what everyone else says.
Had to drive to Boston to get momma, super tired, meep. Making sleepytime tea then sleeping til 3.
Mean Girls valentines cards
And I *didn’t even have to leave my bed to see them